10:50 PM
i dunno how should i start this article.
mayb u should read this super long thing
http://gospelofyunusjonah.blogspot.com/i guess i was kind of tired from this keep-on-arguing-non-stop-relationship.
if i recall back, i think at that moment in time, we argued almost everyday.
every week, we will be arguing over an issue.
i think our tops are both blown off at the same time.
thats when i started to look at u in a different view.
somehow, u look so different form before.
we were always arguing over small issues,
talking back non-stop..
it was even worst when the names came into the scene.
i always hated that.
so i initiated a break.
at first, i wondered if i did the right thing..
so i asked around.
but someone assured me that..
just take a break from whatever u think its complicated now, and start all over again.
it is quite true.
that i should be taking a break now.
everything seems to be in a mess at that point of time.
and right now.. im still packing it properly.
suddenly,
felt that love is childish.
love is for losers.
i dun believe in love anymore.
i dun believe that love can change a person.
i dun believe that love is able to put in such power.
because i believe it only destroys.
and no use standing at my doorstep, slitting ur wrists.
i dun care.
if u are gonna be stubborn.
then im gonna let u be.
mayb if u do that two years ago.. when im around 16..
mayb i might cry, and plead u to stop.
but now.. i can imagine myself in the scene.
orh. i dun want that..
i dun want anything to happen at all.
but.. if it is goin to..
i will just simply ignore.
cmon la..
i have lost trust in everything as well.
somehow, after that day that u scolded me,
i lost trust in almost everything in love.
just PLEASE.
go find a life of ur own.
i have already told u on the phone.
very clearly.
im not goin to get back.
u are acting as if im gonna get a guy and settle down.
NO IM NOT.
and u are oversensitive to what i am doing.
know why?
coz its that childish love bug, digging holes in ur brain and mind.
argh.
just be urself. and love urself first.
and forget abt me.
i am not worthy of ur love.
;
treasure them
11:21 PM
for the first time studying in rp.
i finally feel that science is fun!
a few days back, i got to test on someone's pee,
and able to detect on their health records.
today.. got back a few fruit flies (drosophila)
and will have to let them mate,
so that we can get virgin females to mate again to get second offsprings!
COOL.
however,
i want mouse..
or mayb white mice.
thats even more cute!
can play with it even more!
wahahhahaah.
love them.
so the moment i brought it home..
i showed it to my mum.
this is her reply "why got choc de?"
well.. it is actually the food.. and she didnt notice the flies.
and when i told her abt it,
she didnt even want to touch the container..
then i showed it to my dad
this is his reply
"whats this? cannot even see... aiyoh.. dun let them fly out hor"
basically, my dad dun really care la..
the most exciting part!
my bro..
this is his reply
" are these worms?"no..
"whats that brown brown thing?"food.. for the flies.
"will they fly out?"no...
"what if they eat the cotton wool and fly out?"of coz wont la.. they dun have teeth..
"can u put it some other place? it disgusts me"-shakes the vial into mouth, for fun-
"EEEEE"so at this late time..
i just came back from band prac.
and was tyring to read through my notes for tml's test.
but nuthin goes in.
so blog instead.
and i have yawned for over 30 times.
my bro said that he wants to slp also..
hmmx..
yawning really is contagious..
haha..
ajin says he gonna buy me anything i want.
if he wins the sony laptop in the cpf challenge.
-prays hard for the laptop!-
bwahaha.
;
treasure them
9:46 PM
got my tics!!
-jumps for joy-
yea.. and notice those eye bags..
wah liao..
really like panda.
but i slp around 10 every night.
hurrs.
was v tired ytd.
felt kinda sick,
took in 2.5 sticks continuously.
went home to vomit.
tutored joel ytd, and the kids today.
so borring.
wanna slp le..
zzz.
and i have microb ut on friday.
kinda lost hope in it.
coz my daily grades dropped as well.
its like what i am doing is for nuthin..
i need some life.
------------------------------
why have expectations in life,
when u are living ur life in waste.
------------------------------
check this out.
http://rp.vol.com.sg/top_scorer.aspim a top scorer of CPF challenge!
;
treasure them
10:31 PM
i love this morning.
i was standing, as usual.
so i do not have to warm and give up my seat to an elderly.
the train passed by.. AND
saw the pond.
it reflected the clouds' reflection.
with the blue touch and the white lines.
so soft, gentle and sweet.
how i wish,
i am able to dip my foot into the pond,
chew on some grass,
and hear the love between the pond and the clouds in the sky.
lovely.
;
treasure them
9:10 PM
actually, i have been wondering for a very long time.
why am i looking forward to get older, while my friends keep dreaming of getting younger?
well mayb i dun have the looks to yearn, i just want to grow up!
but when u get older, the number of responsibilities doubles.
being in poly, allowed me to observe how ppl and myself deal with the situations.
first scenario-
when i joined band, i wanted to have a change.
i wanted to play the clarinet or the flute.
coz i was somehow sick of percussion.
but i was a bit shy.. so went back to my own section AGAIN.
the prob now here is.. a lot of yr ones who just enter poly, would like to have a change in their section if they enter the band. (just like my old me.)
but.. there are still some ppl (daniel, mingchong, huiling) who are v persistent in their own sections..
basically, they want to see the band succeed.
but somehow, it got dragged back by 'the people who want to learn new instruments'
if u get what i mean.. polytechnic is a place where alot of diff kinds of ppl get together..
somehow we tend to influence one another or change our own environment, without thinking about the downfall that we are causing others.
SO.. we have to learn to do what is right and what is wrong.
this is called responsibility.
i was one of these people.
I joined the band,
THOUGHT i could learn new instruments,
SKIPPED practices,
GO LATE for practices (hoping other members to
help me carry out the instruments),
TALK BIG at times :X,
GO 'HOME' early,
act cute.
yea. its a year one thing.
so childish right?
lol. yea. now i have learnt through my lesson.
and learnt to be responsible.
u SEE me PUNCTUAL for practices.and not disappearing at the last minute.
yea. this is just an example..
im still trying to apply it to my daily lifestyle..
morale of the story: stick to the decision that u have made. and be responsible!
-this is a must read and must understand to spawnie and shaun.. LOL. dun ps me for magic again..-
second scenario-
well. some family stuffs happened.
over my dad's side.
some irresponsible person did irresponsible acts all his life.
and to think that he is the eldest son.
what a disgrace.
nah. im not here to teach him a lesson.
i dun have the status to do so..
morale of the quick review: take the responsibilities of those u have to love. god gave u a heart.
ok.. end of my own reflections.
time to slp.
nitex.
love u, sally.
;
treasure them
10:23 PM
well,
i have to say.
u really rocked my emotions over last night.
i cant really get myself to do the things i need to complete today.
that means that i will have more to do tml.
but i have decided my mind.
finally.
on things that i would have rather done in my youth time than date around with guys.
cherish ur time and spend ur youth well.
dun let it crush because of someone like me crashing on ur dreams.
i know it hurts.
i know im wrong.
i know it shouldnt even start out at all.
pls. pick urself up again.
because, u had done enough to urself.
find the light of ur life.
let it take u to greater heights.
i love u my friend.
u have taught me things that i have not known before.
i wanna see u make use of ur talent.
be well again.
;
treasure them
11:18 PM
orh.
its weekends again.
so fast..
left 7 more weeks to hols.
that sounds more pleasant than u have 2 more months to study..
haha.
i guess i stressed myself up today.
hope my chem ut will turn out well.
realised that u can do good for the tests, and get bad grades.
know why?
becozzz they use a bell curve to grade u.
and u can be graded a D while getting more than half of the questions correct because u are just the last few ppl out there.
conclusion: RP grading system *****.
:)
thanks izzy for the movie, nachos, dinner and the trip home.
i enjoyed myself at the end of the day.
haha.
im gonna wake up late tml!
yay..
i love lazy saturdays.
muacks.
;
treasure them
10:57 PM
yeaps.
im so gonna die.
tml will be chem ut2.
and guess what.
i havent revise on my notes that i made last week.
and i bet i had forgot most of them.
but. nvm..
bloggin interests me more.
:)
and furthermore.. chem is not my type..
studied about this illness- muscular dystrophy
its abt the muscles unable to mature properly, then resulting in u in a wheelchair.
so somebody asked in the third presentation, "since hearts are muscles, will u have heart deficiency?"
and answer- YES.. u will have difficulty breathing LO.
and i thought for while.
and i was thinking- since a dick is made of muscles, will u have difficulty in shooting out ur sperms then?
LMAO.
*fans off dirty thoughts*
------------------------------------
band prac was a bit stiff.
stiff atmosphere.
mai and thiam didnt turned up.
me and emu and the yr 1s again.
didnt check my mail beforehand, and screwed up abit.
:P
but overall, just want the yr ones to know that..
-HEY.. this is not sec sch.. dun wait for me to spoon feed u HOR-
yea.. and i played hide and seek today.
i saw u la.
ter, dun hide from me.
:)
overall today's mood- stinky
;
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9:44 PM
im goin to RW's concert with Ajin on the 18 Nov' 06
cool huh?
all the tics left are the free standing and further away seats..
yea. and i cant imagine how squeezy it can be when its free standing.
and i paid a hundred for it.
WEEE~ i dun mind at all!--------------------------------------
tonight is a cold night.
love the cold. love how the wind wrapped around me.
i feel like sitting on a sandy beach.
listening to the waves.
looking out to the ships.
feeling the wind and sand.
and pass time talking to the stars.
so many things had happened.
some i didnt even expect.
was just so tired from the repetition of things.
can life go the way it is,
and not following to schedules?
i mean.. sometimes, the sun comes out at 6.
sometimes at 7.
he doesnt follow a perfect timing.
not like us.. everyday which is packed of something.
c'mon..
how i wish.. i am a free person.
and i can just feel the wind and sand again.
---------------------------------------
yea. and im still sick.stupid flu.
;
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2:13 PM
i HATE tests.
just checked my grades.
argh.. its like all the C and D keep filling up the empty spaces.
i wonder if i can really do the work that i dreamt of these past years.
it seem SO FAR..
ok.. so two choices now..
1. study hard, and use time wisely, learn from the downs.
2. dont have to study hard, as long as i marry a rich guy.. :)
nah.. the second choice really looks like a fairytale.
and fairytales nv happen.
furthermore.. i have my own brains. :)
i know can do at least something..........
just checked on the tics available for rw's concert.
only left the free standing and seating tics.
all the above $100 tics are ALL GONE.
haiz.
slept for 12 hrs again.
woke up while bro was covering the blanket for me.
yea. i have a habit of kicking the blankets.. :)
im still feeling sick.
wonder if i should go to work today.
hmmx.
and TO HELL WITH CHEMISTRY.
@#%#^@*!&$(*
sucking module.
;
treasure them
9:56 AM
LOOK!
robbie williams is coming to SINGAPORE.
but check out the prices.
mum and dad aint gonna allow me to go.
coz its a concert.
a concert meaning there will be alot of ppl.
a lot of ppl -> u have to squeeze
u have to squeeze -> later kana bully
later kana bully -> being touched
being touched -> molest
molest -> NO
furthermore.. i am not able to ask them for money for such a concert.
haiz.
robbie williams.
how i wish i can feel ur warmth..
ARRRGRHRGHRGRHRHR.
AND AND he is goin for australia for so many concerts in this coming world tour becozzzzz ALL THE TICKETS ARE SOLD OUT.
can u believe it?
my hubby....
can give me tics anot...
:(
ok.. enough for goin crazy abt rw.
just hope the tickets wont get sold out.
till i work and get back the money.
:)
now. just finding someone to acc me.
:)
was terribly sick ytd.
terribly.
i guess its the magic weather that kept changing,
and me kicking off the blanket in the middle of the night.
went home and ate a piece of bread.
and slept from 6.30 till this morning 7.30.
nv knew i could slp so much.
didnt complete my evaluation and rj for ytd.
didnt go to sch today.
im still surviving on plain bread and milo.
hope tml will be a better day.
:)
;
treasure them
8:34 PM
im so gonna make myself as happy as ever.
gonna stop thinking of the sad things.
and when unhappy events goin to happen in my life.
im gonna so try to look at the optimistic side.
this is a conversation between me and my bro when im damn bored.
me: wei, u think ur jie jie pretty anot?
bro: which jie jie? da biao jie (eldest cousin), yuwei jie jie (second eldest cousin) or......the list goes on..
me: ur jie jie
bro: jie, u see got 5 bicycles leh.
me: -.- ans me leh
bro: wahhh. got so many towels.
me: fine. -climbs up the stairs-
bro: -puts his hands on my shoulders-
me:
EH.. U V HEAVY LEH.bro: huh.. v tired leh.
me:
U ANS MY QUESTION FIRSTbro: ok la..
u are pretty.me: -grins widely-
:))
lovely brother.
is always good to have a brother when u are a sister.
love love.
;
treasure them
9:50 PM
see that
naughty face?
thats my third youngest cousin from my mum's side.
and under my bro's chair.. theres another kid. (his sister)
they are playing under the tables and chairs while we are trying to eat.
and soon everyone on the table got frustrated,
and somebody screamed and yelled at them to get off their feets.
but kids are always kids.
they can play with anything they want.
because all they have is a mind full of nonsense (or some professionals call it - creativity)
this morning, dad brought us to his LTA carnival.
the whole family + my grandmother.
and my grandmother is carrying all the popcorns and candy floss that we had for FREE.
so TASTY LO.
love love.
-the end-
;
treasure them
10:04 PM
read, understand, and thought abt it.
so how am i suppose to feel?
all those repeating questions in my head ALL OVER AGAIN.
lesson learnt: dun get a bf until u are old enough.
but who can escape from the cupid?
*smirks*
wahaha. I KNOW.make lesser arrows.
;
treasure them
10:21 PM
sometimes, i need to spend ample time with my
sally.
now for the DAY CAMP!
this is
me and mai.
too enthusiastic to see whats on our foreheads.
yea.. and this is
thiam huat.
being pulled out of the game coz he lost.
and he got masking tapes around the face coz he needs some super hair waxing!
these are some of the most dumbest games i had played.
we had to stick numbers on our foreheads, then look around for the number that will be yelled by doing simple maths.
yea. and we looked like total fools.
to think that the committee is still so happy.
hurrrr.
the above picture is the drink for my lunch.
it is rose syrup.
coz we dun have that pathetic dispenser,
then we have to pour some into our own cup and add water.
it is damn concentrated!
so during the 'tour around the north' me and angelia are known as the mentors for the group.
so we are not to agree or disagree on their decisions made when they look at the cluecards.
but. they kept looking at our expression.
hurr. slaps.
this is my team resting in the train.
pathetic right.. sit on the floor..
nonetheless we had lots of fun!
and we came in the first in the race!
congrats!
okay.. im feeling tired.
i want to have a massage.
hehe.
im thinking of goin to escape theme park..
hmmx.
or mayb to seletar base camp to eat brownies!
hehe.
*dreams*
;
treasure them
11:17 PM
i hope tml will be a better day.
let the camp rule my world.
wahaha.
but.
im gonna carry three plastic bags with big water bottles, plastic cutleries and junk food.
yay.. gonna see them suffer under the hands of OUR games.
will update photos, if possible by tml.
went to forensic centre with sch.
lousy trip.
talked abt such basic things.
wasted my 2 hrs.
nono.. 4 hrs.. + transportation time.
argh..
but nvm.. at least i know that it is not easy to commit suicide.
this is the most interesting part of the whole trip. (toxicology lab)
well this guy said he had nv seen anyone died of eating paracetemol (if i spell that correctly) which is normally known as panadol.
and the highest content of it in the blood sample is estimated to have 100 panadols.
of coz the victim will be suffering form vomitting, diarrohea, headaches..
but. he will need 7 days in order to die.
hahaha. so funny la.
imagine u planning to die from eating panadol.
and u have to wait for 7 days without cure b4 u can fulfill ur wish.
WHAT A TORTURE!
another thing.mayb a cup of dettol will not kill u.
hmmx.
interesting right?
conclusion - dun ever commit suicide. it takes alot of energy, willpower, and regret.
can u imagine swallowing 100 panadols pills?
i think i can..
but i will need 5 days to complete.
WAHAHA.
;
treasure them
8:28 AM
put the money in an envelope.
and wrote a message to my parents.
placed it on top of my dad's drawer, right on top of his comb.
mum thank me this morning.
well, i believe that this is what i can pull out of me to help out.
hehe.
feel so happy.
nuthin matters any more.
;
treasure them
10:38 PM
went for band.
pathetic 2 ppl + 1 new comer (pop out behind the door)
then emu left.
left me and that poppy.
played simple pieces.
-
went to visit my great grandmother.
dunno how i should feel as well.
feel like crying.
but kept swallowing those tears back.
-
met izzy.
stared at each other, wasted 2 hrs of time.
smoked like fuck.
skipped dinner.
and went to bookstore to read abt cancer, herbs, medicine, sex and massage.
-
got home.
got 'welcome' scold from my mum.
disturbed my bro.
kissed sally.
make love to him.
and staring at the money.
-
i still cant figure out what is making me so sad.
i need a shoulder.
pls.
;
treasure them
9:57 PM
hmmx.
lotsa plans dancing through my mind.
finally, got my mind to settle down, and gonna really teach myself to follow the plans that im gonna come up with.
wahaha.
first plan- balanced and healthy body
after seeing my great grandmother in a condition like this.
i have decided not to eat so much fatty food. (take away the oil found under the skin)
but i guess fries and cheese and chocolates and pizzas AND nachos AND AND junk food is okay.
hehe. next. i have to really get down to exercise at least once a week. walk around the neighbourhood or something.. yea. jy.. tsk.. really have to JIAN FEI.
second plan- financial grip!
argh. gonna withdraw a huge amount tml, to give to my dad. so that the load on their shoulder for the hospital fees and stuffs will be lighter. and im gonna find a weekend job, so i will be able to earn more, and give more, and and spend more. wahaha.
third plan- a grade of at least B+ and above
my grades have all the while been borderline. luckily i was able to scrap through the Os and got myself into bio field. so gonna start to study CORRECTLY.
fourth plan- understand.
time to really know myself better, wanna make myself know how to schedule my own time and be a better person. gonna learn, learn and LEARN.
so my plans are up to here.
4 of them.
but i dun like the number 4.
hmmx...
one more.
fifth plan- be happy.
smile. :)
yay. now i have got 5.
5 is my fav number.
muacks.
and i love sally too.
sally loves 5 as well.
wahaha.
;
treasure them
8:21 PM
read through the comments and tags.
yea. fucked up period in my life again.
doesnt matter though.
i am sure of my decision, that we dun match.
even a simple thing such as the way of removing hard disk can be such a big mess.
yea. i accused.
and he scolded me.
for accusing me.
and he claims that i deserved it.
coz it brought him over his sanity level, and beyond whatever whatever which i dun really remember.
and so?
i wanted a break up because i cant stand his way of scolding.
yeaps.
thats it.
i warned him abt it. and there it is.
-beyond sanity level or watever u call it.-
i dun give a damn either.
just go on with ur life.
and i will go on with mine.
take care.
==========================
anyway.
went to my grandmother's place again.
on our way home, dad and mum complained abt how my that uncle said to someone else.
well. we cant really 100% believe the person.
but after his actions all these years, it makes perfect sense.
and this is his aim- to get my great grandmother out of the nursing home.
and he is neglecting duties financially, physically and emotionally.
i guess financially they are really tight.
i am thinking of.. hehehe... secret :X
my great grandmother is feeling great!
wow. love her.
though she gives off smells coz of the rotting wounds.
nvm abt that, she has accepted my love.
:)
sometimes, bad stuffs make u smile
but somehow i just feel like breaking down.. coz i lost things that i thought i would be able to give my heart to.. hurr. whats with life........
;
treasure them
9:10 AM
yea. and someone wants me to add this in.
he asked me if my hard disk was spoilt.
and i said no.
and he said i made a big thing abt it.
and i said. if u dun take care of it, it will get spoilt eventually. (by removing wrongly)
and he claimed that he did it right.
yea. so at the end of that day, i accepted that reason.
and i got so pissed off, coz after i said im sorry, someone still calls me names.
so i initiated a break.
anyways, u want me to admit my mistake right?
ok. im sorry.
i accused u.
i hurt u.
i blamed u
i pushed everything to u.
im a bitch.
i made a big thing when things are small.
i dun listen.
conclusion: i deserve to go away, and stop coming to talk to me. unless u are wanting me to do other things.
;
treasure them
11:17 PM
his message.-you are mother fucking selfish! can bet guys would hate you in the end! Fuck! you expect me to feel your pain when you cant even feel my pain. wad fuck are you? no more than a human! Fuck u bitch! You deserve to be called that. I loved you so much but cant you feel wad damage your accusation has caused me? if you do. then its settled. i want you to know the pain you caused me.
my point.-i am selfish? just because i said that u didnt take out the bloody hard disk properly? and then we broke up coz i cant take ur mean words. and u claim that i am a bitch and said that u love me.. how ironic. wanting me back just to let me know that pain that i caused u. argh. do u have to go to that extent?
his message.-reflect on wad you did. how you like it when your parents accuse you of something and then make a big fuss about it? when u did nothin wrong. how it feels? how it feels? i bring it up. cause u haven understood how i felt. how am i to feel ur pain if u dun feel mine?
my point.-u want me to feel ur pain? when i received ur message abt the band meeting in the library. i waited for u for half an hr, b4 ur message came to my phone telling me thatu are at it helpdesk. and u even wanted me to go there to acc u! and what about the band meeting? HUH? yea. just take it that u have to look after ur belongings, and when i got scolded through the phone for returning home late, u told me in the end that it was my choice to stay and wait for u. so i made the wrong decision! to stay and wait for u la? so i accused u of u anyhow removing my hard disk. argh. this is nv ending. shall end here. wasting too much of my brain cells. and just be cause of me saying that u didnt remove my hard disk properly, revealed the true sides of both of u. (the truth : u cant stand me, and i cant stand u either). therefore,
solution -> break up.
;
treasure them
11:17 PM
;
treasure them
10:49 PM
u set me thinking all day and night.
u make me wonder and create the whole scene all over again.
what really happened?
was it my accusations that messed everything up?
was i playing with ur heart?
am i a bitch?
am i not giving u chances?
am i making life diff for u?
were u there when i really need you?
am i lonely?
was i giving love to you before?
bla bla bla...
all these are questions that u asked me.
u kept asking them.
u made me confused.
and i dun feel like thinking abt them anymore.
i have forgotten about it. and i dun wanna let it stay in my mind either.
stop asking me.
-----------------------------------------
anyway.
trying to find a job.
that can really sustain me.
but i guess it will occupy my free time.
:(
or mayb i should self reflect in my free time.
thats a good choice as well.
:)
;
treasure them
10:24 PM
half of the holidays is over.
but havent had enough of my shopping yet.
furthermore, got my mind settled on some stuffs.
just need some patience and more of determination to get it through.
btw, tai-ma is feeling better.
through thte love that we gave.
the care,
the concern.
she will get better.
i rather let her hear my laughter than touch my tears.
enjoy life.
;
treasure them
10:23 PM
realised how important time is.
looked back and wondered how i have played along with the precious time given.
its not late to make amends now.
i still have the omen to catch!
wee-
thanks tai-ma (great grandmother) for teaching me human values.
;
treasure them
10:59 PM
there is always hope in life.
the cloud with the silver lining and shines with pride.
thats my life.
;
treasure them
3:02 PM
swelled and burst, blood spilled
blue blacks all over, eyes closed.
no energy to talk, unable to breathe.
surviving through that pipe, listening now and then.
love pulled on for the person she lived for.
tears dropped like never ending rain.
has she gotten enough?
or does she wants more?
its diff to suvive in that condition.
it hurts to see u in pain.
u tried to smile, we did see.
our hearts filled with warmth again.
memories flood our minds, throats stuck with words that we nv heard of.
love.
whats it like, when u are on the edge of death?
;
treasure them
8:59 PM
went to kl with my family.
great bonding..
love them to bits.
esp my dad.
he drove all the way from sg to kl.. then back again.
-massages-
had my shopping spree nonetheless..
---------------------------
wondering who can i go shop around town tml with...
hmmms.
feel like s-ing.
hurr.
;
treasure them
10:47 PM
two weeks.
enough for a complete rest?
so many things to do.
so little time.
phone conv with fan.
had some rhythmic lessons from yink.
eyes closing.
brains whipping out.
i wanna slack!
weee-
;
treasure them
9:27 PM
oh. finallly.
after tml's test, im gonna chiong to work.
then finally..... the HOLIDAYS
and my shopping mood is back again!
weeeeee.
yeah. and i got MORE animae from shaun.
so this hols will be pack with -reading, studying, shopping, chilling, playing, animae-ing, wahhahhaha..
oh my. i want my break SOON.
i miss orchard.
;
treasure them
ok.. enough for goin crazy abt rw.
-the end-
the above picture is the drink for my lunch.
okay.. im feeling tired.