11:01 PM
spent lots of time with darling.
however, i was down with flu and fever.. and he was tired from last night's gathering..
soooo.. we just enjoyed being with each other :]
above picture is on darling advertising how bad the scallop thingy is.
it tastes horrible, with a strong fish smell.
hmph.. and we were dicussing on how to become slimmer when eating.
so..
soft shell crab = 1 month of running
buffet = 6 months of running
JIA YOU JIA YOU!!
this is the photo that we took together for the day.
[u evol i]
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11:47 PM
i dunno where are they la.
have my family lost their way on their way home?
its 1142pm.
and where is my mama?
;
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11:39 PM
hurr..
now is not the time to fall sick.
:(
i want my sushi buffet and YOU.
heez..
*runs*
;
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10:56 PM
had band prac.
and while the band was playing sutaki da neh. or something like that.
the few of us who were not playing anything took photos, to spice up our night.
above is yuheng, with his nerdy looks.
he is a nerd. really.
yuheng still.
this is emu, trying to act cute.
sadiq with emu's limbs. its natural.
and we pretended to be -whatever-
took alot more photos but they are all with maisarah.
lalala. alot more photos coming up for these few days,
coz me and darling will be spending time together!
wee~
;
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12:14 AM
i ate
3 packets of oreo (from home)
1 plate of chicken rice (borrowed from sherline)
1 3cm wide of chocolate cake (from home)
1/5 pack of ruffles big. (my own money -shared with bandmates)
i drank
lots of water
and 2 packets of soya bean milk (from home)
conclusion:
im pathetically out of money.
;
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10:03 PM
happy family.
simplicity rules all.
and i miss isaac.
sigh.
;
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9:52 PM
my cousin danced at my grandma's place today.
how i wish i have a video cam to record that down.
hmph.
i know how it feels when u are not able to learn something that u have dream for.
and i guess, for her whole childhood, she will just continue surfacing her possibilities of becoming a dancer, but not officially one.
and one day, she will start to push the blame on the person who denied her for becoming a dancer.
anyway, whats so wrong in being a dancer?
dancing is a moving art, a series of moves to express ur feelings.
hmph.
and when she grows older, she will drop that dream.
and become what that someone wants her to be.
because of that someone's stress, she has to be that particular dream that she might not even succeed.
everyone is talented in a very different way.
one might be smart, but not having the values of a loving man.
one might be slow, but show the true values of a loving man.
which is more impt?
the brains (with money) or the heart (with time) ?
i think it depends on the needs of the person.
hmph.
anyway, im still an average girl.
a average-super girl.
lmao.
;
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10:41 PM
i think that, me and my bro have some minor weird chromosomal fault in our genes or something.
my parents believed that i was autistic before, cause i didnt know how to express myself verbally, and i seldom talk.
ask me where is the toilet, and i will point to u.
ask me hows my day, i would say ok lo.
ask me if i am sick, i would shake my head and look into the tv.
ask me if i enjoy something that i have done, i would say yea. and then smile.
i just dun elaborate. well.. mayb i dun find a point in elaborating..
i was born like that, from what my mum noticed, i love to bottle my feelings.
or mayb, not autistic...
just a little psycho-probby.now is a diff case, im learning to
free it :)
so i see this pattern in my bro.
some psycho-probby i guess.
his case is diff from mine.
he loves to talk, but shows attitude when u interrupt him.
and these few years, i noticed that he has been having this weird weird actions.
like sudden jerking of the shoulders, moving the jaw, blink the eyes multiple times, etc.
which i find it weird.
and around a year ago, i saw on the tv, that these people are under a lot of stress.
well, he might have his own stress..
but what can be stressing him?
maybe its my mum.
coz theres once i cut myself coz of my mum.
like so foolish right?
yeapps. i cant looked over the way she nagged and scolded at me for some small stuffs.
and she couldnt understand my situation. thats why.
i hope my bro wont walk the same way i did.
i somehow realised that i have been cooping myself up like years later from what i have done.
so now, its either to change my mum's attitude or change my brother's viewpoint.
both seem so unrealistic.
hmph.
what else can i do?
mayb i should buy books for them to let them read up on how to be more understanding and stuffs.
or is it in the genes?
neh mind.
-thinks abt darling-
he said he gonna go to the gym tml.
starting on his washboard tum tum.
hee..
so i can wash my laundry on his tum.
-giggles-i wont de lo..
-giggles again-i rather touch and admire than use it as a thing.
-giggles again again-i love u darling.
and my mum's starting to wonder if we are together or not.
of coz we ARE!
i love u!
hee.
-giggles again again again!-
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10:26 PM
when u aint chosen to be something,
u tend to move away from the dream that u have once dreamt of.
u think that u should just put it aside, and make new people from the outside world.
leave the past all alone, and let the memoirs be just memoirs.
u are so wrong.
what u have done is just neglecting what u have made.
i feel so [whatever] abt ur actions, ur words.
its like.. covering lies with lie.
to me, my point of view
u are slowly, building blocks and pieces of stones to cover me presence.
will it help?
i should just shield away from u.
if u continue thinking that way.
since, i feel that, u are ignoring me.
the words, -i promise-
dun exist anymore.
if thats the way u want it to be.
;
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12:16 AM
when things dun turn out the way u want it to be, u get frustrated.
when things go wrong, u get frustrated.
when people give u fucking comments, u get frustrated.
when somethings are wasted, u get frustrated.
when people dun suit ur way, u get frustrated.
when u know u ain't on the first, u get frustrated.
when things are all pushed to u, u get frustrated.
when more than 2 ppl is expecting something more than what u can do, u get frustrated.
when cockroaches run in ur way, u get frustrated.
i am so - today.
seriously, i think its mood swings or something.
i dun seem to be able to look over things.
whats wrong?
i just hope u would like it, but u gave that reaction.it seems like u dun appreciate.or am i getting it all wrong?maybe i should just stop wasting money, and stay at home and study.
;
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10:57 AM
a month back, i spent more then usual.
thinking that the pay will eventually pay back.
eaten sushi buffet for 3 times.
and that cost me up to $60.
half of my pay is gone just like that.
and i ate so much of luxury food, and only bought 2 tops for my upcoming sem.
summing up to $200++
my mum knows i overspent.
i think its a great lesson to be learnt.
now im gonna dig into my savings to give some amt of money to my parents, as a form of respect when u get ur pay.
and some amt to treat my relatives from both maternal and paternal side.
i think i should continue complaining abt the food i wanna eat,
but not eat them.
at the same time, i can save, become slimmer and satisfy everyone.
im happy that she didnt give me money to let me overcome this for now.
though i hope she does.
but, i should learn to control my eating habits.
& start exercising.
:[
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10:08 PM
: i should not get a boyfriend now.
: i should not play with a guy's heart, mind and soul.
: keep ur bags
: i should not kiss for the first year when a guy dates me
: only hold hands when he reaches out for me.
: not have sex till marriage.
: i should do more household chores.
: should find someone who loves me more then i love him.
: no violent guys
: violence is not the way to solve the problem.
: patience is virtue
: must tidy up the table
: must place things back to where they are taken
: should not color my hair
: i should not eat so much
: not listen to the same song over and over again
: exercise
: dun use the laptop for too long
: i am only given $100 a month for allowance (excluding transport and hp bills)
: i should get As for my results
: no sleepovers at friends' house
: dun eat ice!
: got extra bra to wear anot?
: look at ur panda eyes....
: i should stop smacking sally's butt
: stop staring into space
: wash the dishes
: come home early
: and alot more...
love showered in a motherly way.
everything i do, she has to give a damn abt it.
but, i love her to nano-bits.
;
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10:07 PM
oh look!
i have my name on someone's friendster.
it goes under blacklisted.
and who else can he be?
-speechless-
no wonder he deleted me in friendster.
hmph.
;
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9:54 PM
i wanna eat:
-vanilla ice cream
-chocolate butter cookie
-oreo cheese cake
-lagsane (spelling?)
-LAYS original flavor
-seafood pizza
-salmon sashimi
-brocolli
-char kway teow
-hello panda (milk taste)
-SATAY
-ipoh hor fun
-mango ice
-luncheon meat
-fried banana
-carrot
-green tea ice cream
i wanna drink:
-oreo milkshake
-magaritus
-ice cold heineken
-pokka green tea
-vanilla
-water
can i eat that all in a day?
I BET YES!
darling, lets do it on christmas k?
love.
;
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9:00 PM
oh my.. read two girls' blog.
a 19 year old.
and a 17 year old.
both of them love the same guy.
so this guy is considered lucky.
coz both of the girls really really really REALLY WANTS HIM.
and i dunno what else to describe that want.
coz in their blogs, its all kiddy language..
example:
ii lurrve hiim soo muuchiiex.
seriously, i dunno whats with the spelling.
------------------------------------------
anyway. forget abt love stuff.
just realised again that i should not be that emotional afterall.
and if ever i get jealous or couldn't seem to understand abt one situation.
i would just forget abt it.
-the thing im best at.
though its not healthy, or even easy to forget things that i dun really want to.
but i will just take it as a stone, look up, and take a step forward.
and everything will soon be over.
right?
oh my.. im cheating myself again.
;
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12:56 AM
went back to work.
after a darn long break.
was quite good.
met my 'clone'
who has the same surname and name as me.
shall ask for her chinese characters tml.. hehe
so talked around, and yea.
caught up quite a bit.
at the end of the day realised that all the while, someone has been hiding stuffs from u.
dun want to let u know the true meaning of what is actually happening.
now i know the feeling, of someone lying to u.
karma i guess.
talked to vincent.
and we discussed something about being straightforward.
i guess, i love someone who is straightforward to me.
or mayb a bit straightforward..
so i dun have to think so much in what is the hidden meaning about.
argh..
human emotions.
so difficult to handle.
playing mind games all the while.
i think i need some time to adapt to the changes around me.
everybody's changing.
moving forward to their own aims and dreams.
and im still here, watching people move.
hidden meaning - im stuck
;
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1:40 PM
-my love and me-
hee..
both of us were having runny nose at that time..
yeapps.. so we looked a BIT SLPY..
these are the photos from the band bbq.
mostly taken with me and aizat.
coz he's the only one that keeps wanting to take pic with me.
lol.. [im that anti-social *grins*]
beside me is daniel.
starting the fire.. and i slacked.
lastly, me and aizat again.
i think among so many photos that we took, this last is the best lo..
havent seen those in darius's camera yet, but guess it will take ages to send it over coz he took hell lots of pics.
sorry jaslyn, i only got this much to show.. ya can go to the rpws blog to view more.
:)
;
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11:18 PM
the sad moments, the angry moments, are just part of our life.
though we feel bad abt whats happening, and we want to get it over and done with.
i guess, i should just take the moments as what it is, and face whatever comes to me.
i want to take time and understand the shit around me.
and i want to get through everything with everyone around me.
i love life.
;
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12:42 PM
my heart fills the contentment now.
nv spent so much time together b4.
wishing for another round in the next hols or so..
chalet with class was enjoyable.. excluding not cleaning up the place and having ants all around.
ton-ned for 3 nights consecutively.
bbq with band was GREAT, took hell lots of pics.
will post it tonight, if i get them from zat.
shall go take a nap now.
:]
;
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10:33 AM
is it normal when u want to have a change in character all of a sudden?
i dunno, mayb im just adjusting myself to the surroundings.
as in the needs and all.
goin for chalet later in the late afternoons.
havent even pack my stuffs.
kind of boring when its up to packing and tidying.
argh.
this week is so full of activities.
that i dun even bother to go think of what i should do from time to time.
k. i AM a LAZY bum.
so i just take things from time to time.
coz from what i have learnt a few days ago,
no point assuming and thinking of what might happen..
ur plans might just go haywire,
and u have to think of a whole new plan all over again.
wot. [waste of time]
orh kay orh kay.
-slams table-
time to go pack my stuffs.
;
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3:39 PM
sometimes, people call us names.
and we get irritated.
yeapps.
all of us do.
we tend to either scold back, give looks, or ignore.
and if someone is just out there to irritate u.
just ignore.
this is a line i heard from tv.
[you are not who you are being called upon, it is what you are responding to]
but still,
if that person overdoes it.
its okay to give the person a smack on the back.
:]
hee~
have a great day everyone.
patience rules all.
;
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10:12 PM
no such things as gastric pain.
just like stomacahe lo.
however, we normally classify gastric pain under not having regular meals, or skipping meals,
resulting in over-acidity stomach.
yeapps. had it last evening.
dragged on till this morning 3am.
was terrible.
couldnt slp, nor lie down.
so how did that pain come from?
ans: when the gastric HCL reaches the nerves in the gastrointestinal mucosa, they signal pain to the CNS.
as in, the nerves are exposed. and i think.. there will be a higher chance of having ulcers in the stomach.
hmph..
i guess its the irregular timing of my meals.
so in the middle of the night,
my bro was awoke by my whining.
and told my mum abt it.
so my mum gave me panadols.
but i told her i have consumed them an hour ago.
so she asked me to go back to slp.
and rubbed my abdomen area with vics (i think.)
and told me to keep my back straight, to stretch my stomach muscles.
which i cried.
the pain wore off another hour later....
it was so unbearable.
i will nv want to have that pain again.
i guess my stomach is stronger now.
and i wonder,
where is my six pack?
HAHA
;
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11:12 PM
lost trust from my parents again.
my own mistake.
i overlooked stuffs, assumed things to be in the past ways.
which it didnt turned out to be.
i guess, im just too afraid of how both of u might react.
thats why i kept it to myself.
our relationship has nothin to hide.
im proud of it.
just let time prove everything ba.
saying too much wont gain back the trust of me in you.
too many apologies,
too many repeated mistakes.
whats the point when one doesnt learn?
cmon daddy, be patient.
ur child is maturing.
im sorry for the lies i have come up with.
i do know it is hard to cover lies with lies.
but, it is hard for me to convince u, right?
thats why i came up with these kaobei lies.
hmph.
neh mind.
over le.
tomorrow will be a better day.
i love everyone.
[not missing out sally.]
;
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11:58 PM
yeapps.
look at me from the right.
nicer, more girl also.
finally went for band prac.
hmph.
everybody miss me.
and i miss everybody also.
like i miss the timpani.
miss mai, emu, chris, sadiq, jelly. (and yinkwan who did not appear)
took photos.
but it took a v long time for blogger to get it.
hmph.
so wait for tml ba.
im so looking forward to fridays.:]
;
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10:18 PM
yay. helped aizat with the colors for the blog.
and im happy,
coz i FINALLY tidied up my wardrobe.
but mum says its still messy.
so i kept my mouth shut abt tidying up my table,
in case she insists me to do it again.
yay.. i have dad's creative genes.
dun worry dad.
though i dunno how to draw planes,
i can match colors :)
;
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10:00 PM
patience.
do i have it?
mayb i wanna just hmm..
yea wait.
i misss u la.
*stomps feet
then i think.
i should fill my day with activities tml.
mayb i should tidy up the wardrobe.
get a facial mask.
and experiment it on my face.
hmph.
orh kay!
i know!
i should practice jumping!
:)
to jas,
i dunno what to study also..
lol..
i just thought mayb i could like go understand more abt the mole concept.
which i see the titration calculation, then i go orh orh liao.
hahaha.
;
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10:58 PM
3 out of 5 times i walk into the train station,
there will be these volunteers helping out asking for donations for patients.
either for kidney dialysis, aids, cancer. whatever.
i am NOT a kind person.
seriously, i dun give money on the street.
i dun even drop money for those playing keyboards in the tunnels.
ok. i do pity these people.
having illness, not being able to live a happy life.
when i compare myself with them.
i am leading a hundred times better.
i have a helpful family.
caring boyfriend.
fun and loving friends.
an understanding brother.
an average health.
average living condition.
average thinking speed.
yea. and i move average-ly also.
but i dun see a point to drop money to that thing.
i rather earn money in the near future to come.
and donate 50 every month to ncc,
i believe that ncc is able to come up with better research reports to detect early signs of cancer stages.
hmph.
god is fair, i believe.
i think i shall not take the nature for granted.
and start to take good care of my body.
;
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9:43 PM
im gonna dig out the sun yan zi's score
and try to waste my time practicing the piece.
maybe on weddy perhaps.
im free on weddy.
and weddy will be my boring day.
hmph.
okay girl..
study.
:(
;
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12:25 AM
study week!
later will be the first day.
im gonna coach my brother in whatever area that i am able to help at..
and..
yea. catch up with the biochemical pathways that i have learnt.
hmph..
am looking forward to friday.:) X 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999
;
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12:53 AM
everybody is tired.
not coz of holidays.
i guess, we all have our own different directions,
and when we have the time to fulfill it,
we go all the way out,
which makes us tired in the end.
i love blading.
yay.
he is gonna teach me do the stunts and stuffs.
and i got myself half-sub-burnt today.
lol.. coz of the guards that im wearing.
wee~
im so gonna buy them!!
p.s
darling,
please mail me the photos we took.
babay.
:)
;
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12:25 AM
i think they kept stuffing things into my head at the workplace.
and i cant rem them.
ok. i did, but i forgot abt it when it comes to real life test.
hmph.
cashier.
nv been one b4.
its cool.
it shows that the people there trust u,
plus i only worked there for like 7 days?
but, its totally uncool when u make a BIG mistake
imagine.
how would u feel if u found out that ur receipt says $3840.50 for tips?
lmao. i dunno how i got there.
but my supervisor thinks that its the dumb machine that cant get the credit card number at the right place.
so overall, he helped me cleaned up the mess i made.
and im glad he didnt blow up at me.
:)
;
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above picture is on darling advertising how bad the scallop thingy is.
this is the photo that we took together for the day.
above is yuheng, with his nerdy looks.
yuheng still.
this is emu, trying to act cute.
sadiq with emu's limbs. its natural.
and we pretended to be -whatever- 
happy family.
these are the photos from the band bbq.
beside me is daniel. 
lastly, me and aizat again.
i think among so many photos that we took, this last is the best lo..